Love, Sex And People

I wrote this piece a few years ago and just recently found it. So I am going to share with you guys. I can't even believe myself that I wrote this. I also did a revision because a few years ago my English weren't really good at all :).

Remember, this time I was young and curios about pretty much everything.

February 19th, 2013

I came across some ads on Craigslist which was at the Talent section where people would recruit models/actress/actors/… who would do acting and modelling. Most of the ads were looking for nude models, or actress/actor for adult movie. Also, there were some ads which were looking private hostesses for bachelor parties or gentlemen club’s parties. The pay were great the the ad that caught my attention the most was a guy trying to hire girls to be  his fake girlfriends. The chosen girl would get paid for just doing that, it sounded great right? That ad made me wonder. I messaged the guy and asked him if he wouldn’t mind tell me why he wanted to hire girls to be his fake girlfriend instead finding the real one. He didn’t answer but just asked me if I wanted to be one. I told him I already have a boyfriend. He asked me how much my boyfriend paid me, I said,”his life”. The guy stopped message me.

I’ve been living in Vancouver for almost 8 years and I’ve always been interested in watching and observing people. I've changed a lot after living in Vancouver for more than seven years. Sometimes I can’t even believe myself of how I have changed. I’ve become more mature. However, I also have become more distance to the people I used to be close to. I've come to learn that society can be a big impact in my life.

I see a lot of lonely men and women and they are 40 years old and up. I wonder why they are not with someone. If there are 1 or 2 I can understand, but there are lot of them. You know why that is? Because people here they always care about themselves so much. Always the "I" come first. I find that if the "I" always come first, people will end up with the "myself". They have their guards up all the time to protect themselves. They don’t open up. When you think of nothing but about yourself then you’ll end up with yourself. Some men are in their fifty and yet they don’t have a wife or kid. Their lives are just like that, tasteless. This is the different between Asian and Western. We, Asian people always put family first. No matter what you do, at a certain age, Asian people always try to have their children settled down. Most Asian children respect and listen to parents' opinions.


Yes, our parents like to arrange our marriages. They like to introduce us to their friends’ daughters/sons, or their friends’ friends’ daughters/sons. They want us to get married as soon as the girl hit 20 and around 25 for the boys. Family oriented is what we are born with. Our parents want to see their children get married and then have babies then career and other stuff will fall into place. That’s what they think.

Westerners completely go the opposite way. Work, career first then family later. Some people are so caught up with their careers that they even forget about getting a family for themselves. I’ve seen a lot of successful people yet when you talk to them about family and stuff, they just say that they haven’t found the right one or they’re still too busy with their careers. Then those people are the one who mostly pay for the intimacy. That’s why the sex industry is quite big. People are so caught up with their works that they don’t have time to date. Or some people they just like to hit it, quit it and move on to the next one. They’d rather pay to get sex then go back to focus on their careers than to have serious relationships. It’s kinda sad sometimes because later after all the success they’ve achieved, there is no special person to share with. Well, people have their own minds I can't argue with them. Even myself now a day as in 2016, I've no desire to settle down.

Each individual for sure has to have at least 2-3 loves in a life time. I wouldn’t say 1 at least because now a day we are in a  fast pace environment. Everything comes quick also leaves quick too. So there is no guarantee that you will only have 1 love in your life time. We started to get curious about sex when we hit puberty. There were so many things about sex that made us want to discover it all. The erotic feeling that I had was hard to explain back then. I had no idea. I just knew that I loved flirting and getting attention from boys. It's not easy to hold yourself back when your hormone starts making you do the stuff that is called “taboo” for teenagers. Then by the time you go to college, not many boys and girls are virgins. People even laugh at you if you’re still a virgin. I find that’s funny because again, it’s totally opposite with Asian culture, especially my culture. Virginity is so important to the girls that they are only allowed to have sex once they get married. In my culture they call virginity is “that thousand ounce of golds”. It means even a thousand ounce of golds can’t buy. Even though now a day most of the girls have sex before they’re even hit 18.

Everyone has their own opinions of how they would like to live their lives. But right now, I see that love and sex are kind of messy for the people. It’s all over the places and sometime we get confused. We don’t know what we want. Life is an interesting journey. What is love? We don't really know until we know. We may never know, or we may just know the moment we see someone that is meant for us.

Present day
I have been feeling a bit moody. I have taken a day or 2 off for myself to reflect my life journey...I am happy but I feel like something is missing. It's hard to explain. I feel like I have a hole in my heart.